Balance
2026 seemed like it would never come, and now it’s already halfway over. Personally, my growth this year has been massively internal and steadily healing my overall well-being. My life is full of the love that I have been pouring into others for my entire life, all coming back to me all at once every day. Waking up in the morning feeling safe no matter what is happening outside the door of our bedroom is a feeling I relish every day and try to never take for granted. Over the course of my entire life, everyone has always said “when you know, you know” regarding relationships, and I never knew what that truly meant until now. The overwhelming reassurance I have surrounding me every day now makes the feeling that I am exactly where I’m supposed to be a constant, I’m never not thinking about how grateful I am to have ended up here.
Though I am encompassed with comfortability much of the time, this year has also taught me some hard lessons. I haven’t told anyone outside of the people that needed to know, but earlier this year I had to partake in a procedure that genuinely changed my brain, the way I think, the way I operate moving forward, and honestly traumatized me. Looking back on the experience now, there are many bits and pieces of my memory I believe I’ve blacked out now to protect myself from the way I was feeling, but the feelings still have not left me. I learned that I am much stronger than I give myself credit for, my body is capable of amazing things, so I need to make it more of a priority to take care of her; but most of all, my circle is rock solid. I’d be lost without my mom, my Jackson, and my best friend Samantha.
I’ve always been the quality over quantity type with my friends, but it took me until adulthood to appreciate that. The people in my life make me feel like I’m not being a good enough person all the time, and that is exactly the way that I want it. I want to be surrounded by people that challenge me, push me forward in life, shouldn’t everyone? Moral of the story here: I love my people and I won’t ever shut up about that probably.
Photography is another aspect of life that has been trucking forward at a steady pace. I have been shooting more with clients, but also, I’ve been shooting for fun on my own again. This is something I’ve missed for years, but if you take photos, you know this is not something you can just go outside, take photos and fix. You must find it again. Honestly, focusing on healing every other aspect of my life was the only way for me to do that--enjoy being creative again. Balance is truly the answer, there must be a reason why humans are soaked in creativity early in their lives and lose it as they age, (most) children don’t have real problems! Though this isn’t really achievable these days as an adult, finding the balance between getting shit done and kicking your feet back might just be the secret to happiness.
Some very neat opportunities have also slid my way this year! Jackson and I recently modeled for miss Reagan Elaine (@reaganelainephotography) at the Classen Inn in OKC, such a fun experience for both of us. Shelby Perry also was able to join us as a photographer (@shootsbyshelby) and provided the best gallery so quickly! Reagan came up with a mood board and concept to base the photos off Wes Anderson style movies, particularly “Moonrise Kingdom” which could not be more perfect for us. Her photos turned out amazing (duh) and they will hang in our home for the rest of our lives. They’re the ones we’ll show to the kids a few years down the line, and they’ll realize that we are cool!
I am excited to announce that I have joined the team at Apertures Photo down at 11th and Yale, come in and see us for any photo or printing requests you may have, and you might just see your favorite photo girl behind the counter! I have loved working at Apertures so far, I joined the team about two months ago now and it still doesn't feel anything like work. I adore my job, coworkers and everything about my daily routine lately, very very grateful to be a part of something so special there. Having access to such a wealth of knowledge has been such a privilege, not to mention access to the studio and the darkroom... If anyone has any studio concepts or indoor set build ideas, please hit me with them now! Let's make something neat and not sweat while doing it!
Another cool experience I was lucky enough to have had recently was working on set of The Lowdown, filming here in Tulsa. Previously, I had previously reached out about being an extra on set after hearing so many stories from friends, so previously I forgot about it, so when I got an e-mail from the casting director, I was initially confused. Once I got on set and saw that the actress I would be standing in for was a 6’0” tall woman with my hair, it made a lot more sense. When I got there, they put me in a similar color shirt as the and stuck us in a van over to set. When we were there, second crew would be called in (that was me!) and I go sit where the actress would sit while the crew handles the lighting, cameras, shot details, set design, etc. all worked out so that the actress didn’t have to sit and wait.
Now, as the biggest camera nerd you know, I was in heaven just sitting there and watching everyone work. It was very much a well-oiled-machine type of system full of kind and supportive people, everyone had a job and everyone was working together to achieve the desired result. It inspired me to see not just the super cool cameras and lighting equipment, but this admirable group of creatives, being taken seriously, on a large scale, being paid to do it, and doing it well. Every time the cameras were not rolling, people were laughing while working together, one taking pointers from another, set designers moving fluidly around a tiny room like water because this is what they do. I only heard positive comments everywhere I went, and all the people I met were kind and helpful. I hope to find myself again in an environment like that soon, the experience unquestionably piqued my interest in the world of filmmaking.
All in All, this year has taught me many important lessons, but i also just think I'm at that point in my life where the stuff that doesn't matter TRULY doesn't matter to me anymore. The girl who never gets over anything finally got over it all. We gained a tiny, fluffy addition to the family named Junie B. Jones recently, and that cat is teaching me the importance of patience! We love her dearly in all seriousness, cat pictures are included at the bottom so you can see why. Rhea is adjusting well and enjoys bullying her little sister if she gets the chance to get Junie to stop knawing her tail.
Challenges and trials will always present themselves, but it’s how we choose to tackle those problems that determines how happy one will be. I do my best to always make good choices, be a good person, and treat people with kindness. I choose to move forward while keeping focus on these aspects of humanity as a priority, in hopes that it will continue to reward me with a full and happy life.
